Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize