This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
