clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
