Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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