i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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