billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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