You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
