either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
