you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
