so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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