so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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