Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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