operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
