what day is it and did you see me today?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
