You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
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