Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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