The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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