I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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