Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize