Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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