My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
