Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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