Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
