i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
please come you make the beer taste better
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
