My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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