I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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