Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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