im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
