So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
