he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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