I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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