Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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