Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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