Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
