So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
