Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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