and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
