I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
