Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
