idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
