God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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