I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
