I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
