Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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