That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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