a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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