Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
