remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
