either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
