he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
