i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
