Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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