everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
