every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You need Xanax blowdarts
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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