Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize