i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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