Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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