i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
