I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
