He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
