Betty ford says i'm here all night
She announced her abortion via fbk
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
