I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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