There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
