This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
