Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
