im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
