My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize