My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
