He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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