420 ftw
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
