there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
