so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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