I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
